Space for rent. Joking.

Betty Lee Rodgers, 1939-2010

Hello to all my (two) followers!

I bet you're asking: "When are you actually going to POST?"
It would have been sooner, but lots of death got in the way. (Cue dramatic music.)

Mom died Dec. 4, 2010, after a roller coaster three weeks of being almost dead then coming back to life stronger and then declining again into a miserable death. She'd been sick forever, but that made it all the more strange when she actually died, instead of rallying like she usually did.
Then a dear friend died three weeks later. He had also been sick for awhile, so that was not a surprise, either.
But even when death is expected, it's still not fun when it shows up.
It's like I ran a marathon and tripped into a face-plant across the finish line. I'm relieved to stop running, but I'm now face-down in the dirt.

It's been a few months, now.
I'm pretty sure I'm in the "Eeyore" stage of grieving. (I mope a lot.)
But not as much as I'd thought, which is confusing.

I'm confused because losing my Mom was not the experience I thought it would be. I anticipated different feelings, fewer self-revelatory surprises that I wish I'd figured out earlier. Nothing feels "right" so I might as well not expect anything to be that way.

So now, I'm winging it. I am blessed that I have time and space to do that.
Thanks for all the great people who have comforted me.
Soon I'll post my eulogy that I read at Mom's memorial, there have been some requests for it.
I want to end on a happy note, but if I wait for a great quip to emerge from my mind, it will further delay this posting.
So, a cliched reassurance for all (two) of you: I am truly fine, just passing through a storm, learning to dance in the rain.
(That last part is from a plaque in my bathroom. I stare at it a lot.)